It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches…
Life has a way of never allowing you to get too complacent doesn’t it? You get things sorted and you begin to think that things are on the up again just before something else comes along to knock you sideways. I went to visit my old dear on Sunday afternoon because John has gone off to build his castle in France and won’t be back for a while. We were just having a casual conversation about the family in general and I mentioned that the names on my birth certificate don’t add up with the story I’ve been told. She tells me that she had to change her name when coming over from Ireland so she couldn’t be found. Understandable, Ireland was hardly forward thinking in the sixties and if she was trying to protect her and my sister from being found and dragged back to a life of misery then fine. Then she tells me that Dad changed his name too and there was an uncle that lived around the corner from us that Dad never made himself known to. My surname is bullshit, just some name he picked for himself and I have family in this town that know nothing about us. Things start slotting into place for me – I’d never been able to trace Dad when trying to do the family tree a few years ago. Now I’ve had a bit of time to process it, I realise it’s just a word and it shouldn’t really change a lot but I was still upset that none of this had ever been discussed with me. An ommision of the truth is a fancy way of lying if you ask me and oh how my family loves it’s secrets and lies.
Anyway, I buggered off back to my house and started digging around and I still couldn’t get anywhere. I know a lot of records in Ireland have been destroyed but I was able to trace my Nana because she died in the UK. I stayed up way too late rooting around and my head was a bit frazzled but I got sod all sleep. Something wasn’t adding up for me.
I went back around Mums the following day and did a bit more digging. She got pretty arsey with me when I told her I didn’t understand why there had to be so many secrets – my sister knows all about her history and it was never hidden from her. My brother and I have never been given the full story and I didn’t understand why. Mum was raring up at me saying things like it’s only details and how she only made decisions for the sake of the kids. Anyway I got the full story from her point of view, why she left Ireland and why she stayed hidden until Dad died. Then I had to open my trap. I said I understood why she left Ireland but I still didn’t know why Dad had left and asked what he was running from. Was it the police? I watched her face drop and I could see she was backed into a corner. She then tells me Dad was married. Oh and he left three daughters behind. She tried to give me some romantic bullshit about how everyone was forced into marriage over there and when he saw Mum, he told her he was never going to let her go blahblah and that’s why he followed her to England. Nice try but he did a really cunty thing. The cherry on the top of all this mess is that my sister knew all about it. No wonder she has such utter pity for me.
So I have three half sisters I know nothing about. I don’t know if they know he’s dead. If it were me in their position, I’d be really fucking angry at the stunt he pulled. Actually I am angry about it. I always knew he was a little bit shady as far as business goes but this takes the biscuit. Mum thinks it’s all history and there’s nothing that can be done to change that. Well if it’s only history, why has it been so well concealed? There have been ample opportunities to let my brother and I know about this since we’ve grown up. She doesn’t quite grasp that it’s not the details that bother me as such, but the absolute lies that the family is built on. But if I tell her what I really think, I’m condemning her as well as him and it’s not my place to judge decisions they made over 40 years ago. They had their reasons and whether I agree with them or not, I have to live with them.
From my perspective, it’s just another example that you can have people in your life and never know them properly. That days, months and years go by and everything you ever held to be true is bullshit and the people you are supposed to trust the most, are mugging you off. Even the one thing you are told is everything you are, your name, is fabricated. Everything is a lie and you were stupid enough to believe it.
aitcheeevee
