Sooner or later your own self will always catch up…

I’m getting a bit closer to the dirty history surrounding my ancestry. After several conversations with my old dear, hours spent looking at websites and picking holes in the stories I’ve been given, I’m starting to get a true picture of just who my family are. The great uncle I knew nothing about is still living around the corner from the house I grew up in. I haven’t found out if he has kids or not so it’s still entirely possible, although very unlikely that I’ve slept with one of my cousins or some other crazy shit the rentals didn’t consider when concealing themselves.   I’ve found a document online that has opened another chest of secrets. It’s potentially explosive and I’m now toying with getting a real copy of it to confirm my suspicions but I’m not sure I should. I know I said I wouldn’t go looking for any more skeletons but something is uber suspect here and if people want their secrets to remain hidden, they picked the wrong person to lie to.

I know people lie all the time but when I give someone the opportunity to lay it out on the table, free from criticism and they continue to lie,well they are picking up the rope to hang themselves. I’m a fucker like that.   Poppy asked me tonight how I am able to process all this without flipping out. I can’t really answer that. I suppose because I’ve been drip fed mis-information for so many years, none of this really surprises me.  It disappoints me, but there’s not a lot I can do about that. I will ponder on the implications and consquences of getting my hands on this information before I go marching off to any archives.

In all the hullaballoo of finding all this nonsense out, I neglected to mention the loss of 7lb in two weeks, I was very happy indeed. To celebrate, I gave myself the weekend off and instead of flogging myself into misery, I allowed myself a pizza. And 5 pints. And chinese take out, and chocolate and… you get the idea. I hadn’t intended it to go that way, I was going to have my pizza and a few jars at the pub but that turned into a night on the lash. And you can’t have a night on the lash at my age, without eating your way through the hangover. Add that to horrible news and I just couldn’t be arsed with weighing food and spending every moment thinking about all the things I couldn’t have.  Well I mustn’t have eaten as badly as I thought because I didn’t put any weight on and as of this morning I’ve dropped another couple of pounds. I’m now mere pounds away from my goal weight of 10 stone.  Of course all I’m doing is reading about food, imagining peoples heads as pieces of cake, watching programmes about food, thinking about what my next meal is and so on. Hopefully it will only be another couple of weeks until I can cut myself some slack before Weight Watchers strips me of all my food allowance and all I can eat is vegetables.

Still loving work, loving the time off even more. I’m only working three days this week and two of those are lates. I feel like I have so much free time these days. I’ve agreed to go for coffee with someone from school at the weekend and then I’m going to watch a mates band. It’s a Rammenstein tribute act. A really awful one. No cannon of doom spitting out fireworks. They don’t even spew jets of jism over the crowd, maybe a couple of sparklers stuck in a joss stick  holder. I dunno, but it’s going to be toss. Poppy’s boyfriend, the one I trust about as much as a tory, is going to be there and will probably be his usual abrasive self.  Not to mention the myriad of knuckle grazing metallers tossing their mullets around with gay abandon. I have no idea how I am going make it through the evening.

~ by aitcheeevee on May 4, 2010.